excerpts from my memoir

i was terrified of the white van that would drive around my neighborhood. i was positive there was...

Mon, 31 Aug 2009 15:16:36 -0400

i was terrified of the white van that would drive around my neighborhood. i was positive there was a clown inside ready to kidnap me at any moment. i also believed the scariest thing about that was that i would have to join the circus.

i later found out that we got an apartment because some old guy died in it…thank goodness it...

Mon, 24 Aug 2009 21:14:48 -0400

i later found out that we got an apartment because some old guy died in it…thank goodness it he died in my mother’s room and not mine.

tony & i were bored one day. so, while my mother was taking a nap we decided to go ice skating....

Tue, 04 Aug 2009 13:17:00 -0400

tony & i were bored one day. so, while my mother was taking a nap we decided to go ice skating. well, not actually ice skating, but more like fill up the kitchen floor with water and dish soap skating. we had so much fun until my mother woke up from her nap.

not to get all stand by me, but the first and only time i knew someone that was murdered happened...

Tue, 28 Jul 2009 07:28:08 -0400

not to get all stand by me, but the first and only time i knew someone that was murdered happened the summer i was seven. i also went to my first concert that summer. so, cyndi lauper and murder are two things that changed me that year.

i used to coordinate gymnastic competitions on my neighbor’s swing set. i was a master on the...

Wed, 22 Jul 2009 23:24:00 -0400

i used to coordinate gymnastic competitions on my neighbor’s swing set. i was a master on the rings.

my step-father (the first one) had a friend named artie and his wife was named chickie. i never...

Wed, 22 Jul 2009 00:09:31 -0400

my step-father (the first one) had a friend named artie and his wife was named chickie. i never knew her real name, only that she was called chickie. she was white with an afro.

for a short time we had someone living in our attic; it was super creepy up there. this one time...

Wed, 22 Jul 2009 00:07:51 -0400

for a short time we had someone living in our attic; it was super creepy up there. this one time we found a bat up there, the guy living up in the attic came downstairs, grabbed a bat, and went upstairs and killed it. i was more afraid of the guy from that point on than i was of any bat in the attic.

we lived with another family for a few years beginning at age 5 and they had a little boy, tony, who...

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 16:45:56 -0400

we lived with another family for a few years beginning at age 5 and they had a little boy, tony, who was a few years younger than me. tony and i shared a room, bunk beds, and had star wars wallpaper. it was the coolest room i ever had.

this one thanksgiving we went to my great grandparents house for thanksgiving. i distinctly...

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 16:34:00 -0400

this one thanksgiving we went to my great grandparents house for thanksgiving. i distinctly remember the smell of all the food, but the two things i remember the most are the rolls and jello.

i used to rollerskate around my house through the kitchen, to the dining room, to the living room,...

Wed, 15 Jul 2009 07:25:00 -0400

i used to rollerskate around my house through the kitchen, to the dining room, to the living room, and through the front hall back to the kitchen. i was convinced i was going to be the youngest roller derby skater in history.

one of my favorite christmas presents that year was an inflatable remote control robot. i played...

Mon, 13 Jul 2009 19:19:00 -0400

one of my favorite christmas presents that year was an inflatable remote control robot. i played with it for about an hour before it popped. i was so mad at santa claus that year. i should have written a strongly worded letter.

my godmother’s family was pretty weird (fyi, that’s an understatement). she had five...

Fri, 10 Jul 2009 08:51:00 -0400

my godmother’s family was pretty weird (fyi, that’s an understatement). she had five children. more than one of them have done time in prison or will by the time my memoir is complete and at this point i have no idea what has happened to any of them. there was some serious augusten burroughs type shit going on in that family.

my godmother’s husband would always lounge around on his brown plaid couch in his tighty...

Tue, 07 Jul 2009 18:25:00 -0400

my godmother’s husband would always lounge around on his brown plaid couch in his tighty whities. he was overweight and would always watch all in the family while he was doing this. when company came over he put on a robe.

“cookies, gum” were a few of my first words uttered at a convenience store.

Mon, 06 Jul 2009 20:29:06 -0400

“cookies, gum” were a few of my first words uttered at a convenience store.

i remember this one time when I was a baby, well, i only really remember from seeing a photograph,...

Sun, 05 Jul 2009 15:33:13 -0400

i remember this one time when I was a baby, well, i only really remember from seeing a photograph, that i was wearing my mother’s bell bottoms and aviators. sadly, this would not be the last time i wore my mother’s clothes.

i was totally rolling in cash when i was a baby, no literally, i was in a crib with lots of...

Sat, 04 Jul 2009 21:03:51 -0400

i was totally rolling in cash when i was a baby, no literally, i was in a crib with lots of twenties, or tens, or maybe it was ones, but i was the richest baby in my crib for at least ten minutes.

in preschool there was this little girl in my class named la-la, i am pretty sure she was about 30. ...

Thu, 02 Jul 2009 20:48:32 -0400

in preschool there was this little girl in my class named la-la, i am pretty sure she was about 30. she used to carry me around the classroom and call me baby.

we had this other cat when i was five named icky. one time she jumped on a dog’s back and...

Wed, 01 Jul 2009 17:29:02 -0400

we had this other cat when i was five named icky. one time she jumped on a dog’s back and rode it up the street. i can’t make this stuff up if I tried.

my mother and i moved to florida when i was three, but we only stayed for a couple months. ...

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 15:56:00 -0400

my mother and i moved to florida when i was three, but we only stayed for a couple months. sometimes i wonder what i’d be like now if we had stayed. i assume i would have long curly blonde hair, say dude a lot, and like girls.

there was this one cat we had named bizerkley. he used to jump from rooftops until one day he was...

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 21:23:38 -0400

there was this one cat we had named bizerkley. he used to jump from rooftops until one day he was hit by a car.